A Means Of Survival
by Ophelia Malfoy
Summary: One night Harry realizes that no one really cares if he lives or dies as long as he ensures the survival of the Wizarding World first, that is, except her...


**Disclaimer:** If a fic gets posted and their is no one to read it do you still get sued?

I wrote this fic three years ago when I was only thirteen. I found it while hoping to update my other fic and decided to post it as is. Please be sensitive because of this.

**Author's Note:** I just read the story The Abyss by Jeconais and it made me introspective and contemplative, well……. more than usual so I decided to write a fic to express this. Oh and my disclaimer is supposed to be a parody of if a locker slams and there's no one there to hear it does it make a noise?

Reading and reviewing is good for the soul…  
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**A Means of Survival**

A young boy tiredly climbed into his bed in the empty 5th year boy's dormitory. His face was drawn and tired hinting more that physical fatigue. His jet black hair contrasted sharply with his pale almost ghostly complexion and emphasized his heavy lidded emerald green eyes.

Sleep did not come easily to him, he had left the Great Hall with the announcement of Gryffindor as the House Cup winner's like the others but it was more than exhaustion that had pulled him from the party that ensued in the Common Room. He had participated in the festivities for a while until someone unwittingly commented on the reason Gryffindor had pulled ahead so sharply in the competition between the Houses.

He knew the reason, he knew it well, with his brainless brazenness he had marched into the Department of Mysteries dragging his loyal friends and D.A. members along with him, however to be kind Dumbledore announced the reason for the immense number of points awarded as _for bravery and valor in the face of danger and assisting in the capture and identification of Death Eaters_.

This caused him to grasp the magnitude of his situation and was the reason for his separation from all the partying and happiness. With surprising clarity for one so young he sadly realized why he was so idolized. For so long he had been the hero of the wizarding world, since before he was old enough to pronounce the word and suddenly in his bed he really truly realized why. Not for his bravery or courage, many people have displayed that including his entire House, obviously not for his determination, many people his friends also included have displayed that, he was idolized because he was a _weapon_.

To the wizarding world he wasn't a simple fourteen year old boy, he wasn't a person who faced abuse most will never be able to fathom, he wasn't a person that after 11 years of torture from the Dursleys was freed and brought into the a world he should have experienced all along only to find out he was destined to kill or be killed, he wasn't a young boy of fourteen to the wizarding world, he was a means of assuring their survival and happiness despite how it might affect his survival and happiness. He was The-Boy-Who-Lived, weapon and means of survival of the wizarding world, nothing more and nothing less.

And among the disturbing epiphany came the very real thought that he might never reach his seventeenth year, he might never live long enough to graduate, fall in love, have a family, lead a normal life or even lose his virginity.

Everything pilled up on him at once, his tortured 14 years of life, lack of love in his life, loss of his first real father figure, grief over the parents he would never know, his resigned fate and the floodgates burst, Harry _wept_, he really truly wept.  
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_**Gryffindor Common Room**_

Ginny searched for Harry through the dense crowd with a sudden feeling that he needed her. She had changed so much, more than anyone realized and although she was not especially close to Harry, she was not a pathetic quivering girl around him anymore.

The occurrences of her first year changed her so much. Being trapped in the Chamber and controlled was a horrible experience she wouldn't wish upon anyone, but some good did come out of it, she was stronger, wilier and she didn't mind that like Harry she absorbed some of Voldemort's abilities; like him she was a Parseltongue but she had also developed a few uniquely her own, she was near genius level in potions and in unfortunately the Dark Arts.

She didn't mind her precognitive abilities or that she was empathetic to the point of experiencing other peoples emotions as if they were her own. While the later did sometimes get overwhelming and annoying she learned to build a shield around her mind, absorbing emotions only when she chose to.

Like now that's how she knew he needed her. Her and Harry developed a level of understanding after the Chamber and never fully told anyone what happened, there were some things that surpassed human understanding and what happened down there was definitely beyond it.

She had been there in the Department of Mysteries she fought along side him, not only did she fully grasp Voldemort's evil but she realized how much this all, the prophecy and the inevitable last battle, must effect Harry and made her need to find him all the stronger.

She ran up to Hermione and Ron who was really letting lose since Hermione was the more sensible of the two she asked her if she had any knowledge as to Harry's whereabouts. Hermione was unsettled by Ginny's frantic search and told her how he went to bed a while ago. Before she could inquire Ginny the girl was gone and a worried frown settled on Hermione's face.

However, as she considered what could be amiss Ron finished off the last of his punch that he still hadn't realized was heavily spiked. And we all know alcohol has a strange way of loosening people's tongues…….literally. So before Hermione could deliberate further on the matter she found herself locked in a heated kiss with Ron, to the happy hoots and cheers of her House members. Neither the kiss nor the kisses that followed were unwelcome and soon Ginny's franticness was pushed from her mind as she proceeded to give Ron 'one heck of a snog.'

As Ginny raced to the stairs leading to the boys dormitory she concentrated on how, despite any wards that may be in place, she was going to make it to Harry. In a rare and dumbfounding display of raw magic Ginny bent at the wards in place by her sheer determination and raced up the stairs to the boys' dormitory.

Unable to dwell on how the hell she just pulled that off, Ginny breathed deeply to quell her racing heart and opened the door to the 5th year boys' dormitory. She easily lowered the blockades around her mind and gasped from the onslaught of Harry's emotions. She felt no more than that, had his desolation and feelings of despair for the first time since the Chamber Ginny allowed her tears to fall light on the light velvety rug.

She approached Harry's bed soundlessly and softly pulled open the curtains to a sight she'd never forget, Harry weeping. Then she really truly saw him, not as the Boy-Who-Lived but as he really was, Harry the fourteen year old with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Without hesitation she lay beside him and wrapped her arm about him absorbing the remainder of his emotions. She bit back a cry as she felt them all even the ones he didn't realize he felt, anger, guilt, self-disgust, self-hate, fear, loneliness, desolation, misery, despair, anguish, despondency, and finally emptiness.

Harry felt his mental anguish melt away and he took real notice of the girl who held him who had taken all of his misery to alleviate the wretchedness of his situation. And as he helplessly watched her suffer, reach a level of suffering that not even tears could assuage, he realized how selfless and special she was, a person he was sure he could come to love.

As she slowly fought the emotions that, combined with the ones she originally felt, threatened to consume her she came to the firm conclusion that as long as either of them lived she would never allow Harry to suffer through anything alone. Sleep came to them, as they succumbed to the fatigue that would inevitably follow after dealing with strong painful emotions, still locked in each other's warm embrace both finally feeling at peace.

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**Pre-A/N-** I dunno should I leave it here or should I continue with my plot its not a usual H/G shipper I promise you that. I'm too practical and logical to fall into the mind-numbing yeah Harry finally acknowledges me now I'm going to fall in his arms like the pathetic twit I am and together our love can conqueror all despite the fact that I'm 13 and he's fourteen.

Reading and reviewing is good for the soul…

**Author's Note: **This was not originally meant to be a song fic but my typically desolate mood when home with my…….. family was amplified when I played my collection of rock songs which are good when you listen to them but can really kick you when your down and at first I thought the first song on my playlist (which was aptly named A World So Cold) just fit so perfectly but I listen to number 5 during the writing of the story and while listening to it brings out the theme I'm not sure the lyrics did, so I choose Anthem of Our Dying Day it fit better. A World So Cold was a too suicidal a song to properly fit when I checked to see if it fit I realized it didn't neither did In The End even though its music brought out the underlying themes.

The songs being:

A World So Cold by Mudvayne

Anthem of Our Dying Day (which I used)

Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park (truly depressed me)

Hit the Floor by Linkin Park

In The End by Linkin Park (later depressed me later)

Lying From You by Linkin Park

One Step Closer by Linkin Park


End file.
